


Spill

by eClair23



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:56:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eClair23/pseuds/eClair23
Summary: Natasha realizes Clint's feelings for her and spirals.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 16





	Spill

“So, Romanoff. You and Barton. Spill.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “What about us?”

Maria rolled her eyes. “You’re together, right?”

“What would make you think that?”

“You two just seem so… close.”

“I guess so. But he’s been acting weird lately. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Oh? What’s he been doing?”

“Phil’s been having me take it easy for a couple of weeks since our last mission, since I got hurt. I keep telling him I’m fine, really, but he seems to think a bullet wound is the end of the world. But that’s beside the point. Before this last mission, Clint would always give me my space to recoup and get ready for the next one. But now… it’s like he doesn’t trust me to take care of myself anymore.”

“Hm.”

“He’s been stopping by my apartment with groceries every couple of days, making sure I’m taking my meds. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Maria took a sip of her drink. “I think it’s pretty clear. He likes you.”

“Likes me.”

“As in, he’s got feelings for you, and that’s why he’s been mothering you so much the past couple of weeks?”

“Oh.” Nat’s voice was small.

“You okay, Nat?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to… think about all this. Thanks for the chat, and the drinks.”

“Anytime.”

~

She thought about it all the way home, her mind churning over all the pieces of the puzzle. Did she have feelings for him, too? After a lot of consideration, she had to admit that the answer was yes. But rather than simplifying the situation, that conclusion only made things more complicated. Even if he did like her, could she ever be enough for him? She’d never felt her own brokenness so crushingly, but it felt suffocating.

Her hands shook ever so slightly as she pushed the door to her apartment open. She didn’t even have the strength to make it to the couch before she sank to the floor against the wall of the entrance hall. Her shoulders slumped as she stared at the wall blankly, her mind racing with fear and insecurity. The world felt like it was closing in on her, and she was powerless to stop it. 

Clint knocked on the door to her apartment. “Hey, it’s me.”

“Clint?”

“Yeah. I figured we could have dinner and watch a movie after you and Maria got back?”

She was silent.

“Um, I’m going to let myself in, okay?”

He turned his key and pushed the door open, starting at the sight of her huddled on the floor.

“Nat?” He rapped his knuckles on the drywall beside her, giving her a little more warning.

No response.

“Are you–are you having a panic attack?”

“Mm.”

“Oh.” He paused. “Okay.”

He squatted next to her. “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

She didn’t respond, so he lowered himself a few inches away from her. 

“You’re shaking. Here, take my jacket,” he shrugged it off of his shoulders and draped it around her shoulders, rubbing her arms a bit to warm her up. He always forgot how small she was compared to him. His jacket dwarfed her, but it served as a pretty decent blanket now.

She put her head between her knees and focused on her breathing, the shaking subsiding. 

“Would it help for me to rub your back?”

Her voice was small, but she managed a sentence. “Worth a shot.”

He scooted closer to her, smoothing a firm hand up and down her back and massaging her shoulders and neck. The tension in her muscles seemed to ease up a bit under his gentle touch, but she held up a quivering hand. “Stop. Please.”

He backed off. “I’m sorry. Am I making it worse?”

She nodded. “Thank you, though.”

They sat in silence, breathing together as she calmed down. 

He re-explained the situation to her, trying to give her something concrete to focus on. “I was just coming over to check on you and see if you wanted to watch a movie, but then I remembered you and Maria were going out for drinks. I didn’t expect you back already.”

“I came home early.”

“Oh.”

After a while, her breath hitched. He looked over at her, wincing at the tears on her cheeks. She bowed her head, ashamed, as she kept crying silently. Just sitting there and watching her cry was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain, and it hurt even more to not know how to help her. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to stay. I’ll be okay. I’m sorry for making you sit through all this.”

“Hey, hey, no reason to be sorry. Do you want to tell me what’s got you so worked up?”

“I’m sorry. It was just so much, with the mission and everything, and Maria said something, and now this… It’s too much.”

“What did Maria say?”

“She said you… have feelings for me. And that’s why you’ve been so kind lately.”

“I see.”

She sniffled. “Is it true?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, yeah. Maybe. A little bit. Is that what got you so worked up?”

She gave him a teary smile. “Maybe a little bit.”

He returned her smile, squeezing her shoulder.

“I know this probably wasn’t the reaction you were hoping for. This isn’t how normal people act.”

“I don’t need you to be normal, I just want you, Tasha.”

She sniffled, looking up at him sadly. 

“Can I hug you?”

“Please.”

He leaned back against the wall, pulling her to rest against his chest as he stroked her back slowly. She tucked her head under his chin, breathing in the calming smell of his cologne. 

“I’m sorry, Nat. I should have just kept my feelings to myself.”

“No. It’s okay. I think I feel them, too. It just… scares me. As you might have noticed.” She laughed shakily.

“You think it doesn’t scare me? Nat, it terrifies me to think about screwing this up. But I’ve been giving this some serious thought, and I think it’s worth the risk.”

She curled up against him. 

“Can I ask what you’re so scared of?”

She took a moment to consider, then answered slowly. “What if it’s good?”

“What do you mean, what if it’s good?”

“I mean, what if things go really well, and then we get married?”

“Oh, Nat, you’re thinking so far ahead, honey. How about this. We’ll take things one step at a time, and we’ll talk everything through as it comes.”

She looked up at him, her eyes rimmed with red. “We can take things slow?”

“Of course, Tash. I would never want to cause you any stress. I just want to be your safe place.”

“You already are, Clint.” She swiped under her eyes, blinking away the tears. 

“Hey, you’ve been through a lot. It’s okay. But when you’re feeling like this, can you… can you talk to me?”

“Yeah. I’ll try.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

She nodded.

He squeezed her close. “You think we can do this?”

“I think we can.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. I want to do this. I’m going to work on the stress and the panic attacks, and I’m going to try to get better.”

“That’s great, Nat. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you for sitting with me, Clint. I know it’s not easy.”

“It’s not. But you’re worth it, Tash.”

~

Clint glanced over at her as they watched the movie.

“Hey, Nat?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I hold your hand?”

She looked at him, surprised. “Sure. Yeah.”

He laced his fingers through hers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before letting their hands rest on his leg. 

Nat sighed, leaning back against the couch cushions and smiling softly. This was good. And she was safe.


End file.
